I dunno.

ppppppppffffffffffffttttttttttttttt

same old news

show tonight. he came straight to me first thing. that was a change. i thought he had made up his mind about me. that's a mistake i shouldn't make. wanted me to be the photographer. so i was the show's photographer. i hope they come out okay. or i'll suck and feel bad.

him and me and good dynamic. not a thrill, just good.

same old news. don't feel like writing it. only doing it in case i ever care to trace the progression of whatever this turns out to be

party after the show. at pascal's. pretty boring. more talk about movies, then TV shows.

Love watching Clyde's hand trace a snaky path down Kelsey's back.

still haven't hugged Clyde or anything. honestly i get more action from everyone else and give it, too.

whatever who cares, i'm boring myself. i feel disillusioned, which is to say rather apathetic. when the disappointment is so familiar it's not even diappointment, it's just me going in circles and seeing the same scenery the same way i've seen it so many times before. who cares it's allright i guess. just another day of noticing the same kinds of things. look at that stack of journals documenting your obsession with Glen. When are you ever gonna want to crack that open again? relive that fatalistic madness?

Kelsey actually left before i did, but by then i felt like maybe i didn't want to stay either, and i left shortly after (though something about the way pascal asked whether i was leaving made me wonder, but who cares about another late night going nowhere? too much acid stomach from Smirnoff ice to drink anymore. and i'm tired and it's really cold

i stayed after i left, wondering what goes on when i am gone. it was cold tonight walking about pascal's neighborhood. clear sky. stars bright even beside a bright moon. i used to talk to the stars and the moon on a night like tonight but it seems like so long ago. besides, giving myself the opportunity to wish upon a star or speculate about events and i just felt uninspired. i just walked, one foot in front of the otehr.

nothing

another party tomorrow afternoon, and then show, and then sunday more show and then strike, will there be another party?

i don't like.

i could have summed all of the above up by saying i need some sleep.

i just wish there had been more

some time

anyway

i have started some crochet and also copying out my great aunt's diary. as if i don't have enough stuff to do, what with all the reading and working and checking my email and writing in my diary. and fucking fizzle-out parties that go nowhere and bring nothing new or interesting to life

sunday - i expect to feel completely lost on sunday. lost in all this nothing

previous - next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Five

- - Sunday, Feb. 27, 2005
audience survey - Friday, Feb. 18, 2005
the first hug - hell, it only took 2 years to get a hug - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
Brad loves his wife - Tuesday, Feb. 08, 2005
restraints - Sunday, Feb. 06, 2005