Well, of course, after my previous entry I have to follow-up because things changed.

At the end of my one-hour lunch break yesterday I returned with Tommy and Henry’s orders and my own food as well. As I parked on the street, my phone sang out and it was Henry. “Where are you?” he asked brusquely. “I’m out on the street.” Oh, hem haw, do you need any help bringing it in?” I looked around and judged my task. “Um… no.” “Oh, ok. Good.” And he hung up.

Well, that was rather gruff. But as you know, I was already pretty much over Henry’s mood since he refused to take lunch alone with me and had been rude to me and all-in-all tried to make me feel like scum. Although it did occur to me just then that maybe, just maybe, he interpreted the lunch situation differently and when I said Tommy was sending me out for lunch he assumed he was supposed to just place an order. Still, I don’t think so. That whole episode really shows me that, even though he’ll wait for me to walk with me back to our cars, he doesn’t ever ever want to take lunch with me alone. And maybe I’ve been successfully trained never to ask him out or ask anything of him ever again.

So when I walked in with lunch, I was feeling very unimpressed with Henry, and hurt by him, and I was of a mindset to accept the distance he would put between us. I may have seemed a little less energized, but I wasn’t throwing a tantrum or giving the silent treatment. I guess he noticed the change in me, though, because like lightning he reversed, and started trying to win back my good favor. I didn’t say much through lunch, and when I was done, I stood, compacted my paper trash into my paper cup, and walked away without a word or a glance his way. A few moments later, he said to me, “Thanks for going to get the food,” and what I was hearing was an ingratiating “Please don’t get mad at me, I know I was being a shit and I fucked up.” He said it a lot for the next few hours and I forgave him, maybe he just needed to get some food in him or something, he can get moody, but I still feel a sting over the lunch issue, and it made it hard for me to respond at the same level of enthusiasm as he might have liked as he joked and (in his underlying intention) begged for my good graces.

I guess I was just surprised that such a brief and minor change in my attitude toward him could elicit such a major response from him. And I was impressed that he was so willing to make good, instead of being stubbornly attached to his attitude.

I asked that I not be the one to stay during the show so I could leave and get some stuff done. Henry agreed to be the one to stay.

Before I left, I found him behind the stage, messing with hazers and dry ice and what not. I said I was leaving and asked if I could bring him anything back.

He said no, of course, then suggested I bring Kelly back to help us strike the event.

So I went over to our area where Kelly had written our phone number down to call Kelly. Hardly a moment later, Henry walked in behind me and said, “You still here?” I said, “I’m calling Kelly like you asked.” So I called Kelly as Henry sat by me and listened, and left a message asking her to come work even though I told Henry, “There’s no way she’s going to come.”

Then I started to leave, and Henry took on another attitude, one that I’ve encountered before where he doesn’t seem to want me to leave. And it was interesting because he was, awkwardly and abashedly, asking me to “You could, if you wanted to, when you come back, bring me something to eat, I could, I might want something…”

“Sure, what do you want?”

Paraphrasing now…

Anything

What?

Um, anything would be great

Anything? Okay I start to turn to go.

You could get me another chicken cordon bleu

What?

Um… you could get me another chicken cordon bleu

You want another chicken cordon bleu? Sure I can do that. Start to go.

Or a

What?

Um, a cajun fillet biscuit.

On an on like this, every time I’d start to turn to go, he’d say something to make me turn back. And one of the things that makes this interesting is that he will never accept anything from me, including my help, which is often a source of frustration for me because how can I express my feelings for him if I can’t help him? I instinctively want to help and take care of people I care about, and be helped by them and taken care of by them. To me that is part of intimacy.

That night when Evan came to help strike, he was downright goofy. I couldn’t match his mood but I did appreciate it.

I was unscrewing hot light bulbs and Henry handed me some gloves. So I told him, “I lost my gloves!” And he said, “I lost my leatherman!” A few minutes later, I went to him and said, “Didn’t you want to get a better leatherman anyway?” Referencing a conversation we had about 3 or 4 months ago. He smiled, “Yes, I did. Actually I did.” I wonder if he remembers when he told me that. Anyway, that was me telling him I remember things about him.

When outside, he was working on this miserable job of untaping rope lights from the concrete steps. Every time I would pass he would express his misery jocularly “I’m still working on this!” Eventually Evan reached down to start helping him and Henry said, “No! Leave it for me!” I scolded Evan mightily. “Don’t touch that!” Don’t you know Henry doesn’t want any help? Henry said, “Please just leave me to my misery alone.”

I wondered if that’s ever been his motto for his life.

At one point we were working together, well, near each other, outside (in the cold may I say, outside in the cold wind all day today, and may I say because it is so funny, I really worried about Henry being out there without a hat.) Anyway, we were working near each other and he came by and asked if I would be working on the next Opera. I said yes. He said he thought he was working on the showcall. “Oh, fun!” I said, inside thinking, “Oh, wow!” I suspect maybe he didn’t like working the Opera in the past because he didn’t like Linda, who I think rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Now I had picked up on the vibe that Henry was thinking something about the Opera next week, and now I know what it was. And now I hear him muttering something about “I’ll probably be on spotlight,” and “Justin’s doing it, right?” and stuff that sounds like he’s embarrassed. We had a nice few moments then. I asked about his mother, who has been in the hospital with surgery on her elbow. He said she’s been released, hopefully she’s better, and her boyfriend can take care of her while he’s working on the Opera.

So that’s like a week and a half of Henry coming up.

The thing is, I realized, we don’t flirt anymore. I guess we’re both too conscious of the real possibilities, and potentially strong feelings, and the pace problem of our relationship.

Today Chuck and Christian want me to play poker, and I'd love to, but I have so much catching up to do. If only it weren't tournament poker. Oh, well, I'd really love to.

previous - next

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Last Five

- - Thursday, May. 24, 2007
- - Sunday, Feb. 27, 2005
the first hug - hell, it only took 2 years to get a hug - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
connections - Tuesday, Jan. 25, 2005
worm turned - Sunday, Jan. 16, 2005