And yesterday, I was sitting in their dressing area while they gabbed before the show, and I don't remember how we segued, but somehow I told Chris he had porcelain skin. "Is that makeup or is that you?"

In the moment that followed was the birth of something new.

At first I don't think he realized I was talking to him, probably assuming I was talking to one of the other girls, but when he looked up he saw my eyes planted squarely on him. Not feeling charmed or attracted, but I have to think back and realize that if my eyes in a man's eyes are stunning, then that's what he saw then. And he took a couple splits of a second to melt or was it alarm? The other 3 were looking back and forth between us, and finally one of the women broke the moment by saying, "You do have nice skin." And in that moment I thought, "Oh, God, I hope I haven't started something here."

I feel so powerful. If only I could harness this power and use it to serve my purposes. Perhaps I am slowly learning how.

Ever since then, he has been looking at me in the booth through the whole show, and other signs too small to use a whole bunch of words to explain them. Whether he's curious about whether I 'like' him, or whether because he 'likes' me, the crush is his now.

Though surely not major. And I doubt lasting. For one thing, he probably has no idea how old I am.

Although thinking back, it seems to me that men are more persistent than lore would have you believe. Maybe because none of them have "had me" and "used me up for them." I always expect them to lose interest and be distracted by glittery new women, but if they like you, and you stay the same person that they like, then they like you always. The glittery new women, they don't like all of them that much. Just some of them. The ones they think they have a chance with?

Maybe.

previous - next

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Last Five

- - Sunday, Feb. 12, 2006
- - Sunday, Feb. 27, 2005
the first hug - hell, it only took 2 years to get a hug - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
connections - Tuesday, Jan. 25, 2005
worm turned - Sunday, Jan. 16, 2005